Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Ten on Tuesday | Being There.


...this past weekend, Bob - a dear friend of Carole and Dale - passed away. I didn't know Bob personally; but from the posts and photos that Carole has shared over the years, I know he touched many lives...and that many are feeling a deep loss with his passing. Today, Carole has asked us to share ways we can be supportive when someone dies.

I've been thinking about this since yesterday afternoon...and...this is a hard list. What keeps coming to mind is simply "being there" which could be any or all of these things:

physically sitting in the same room - maybe talking...or maybe not (knitting is good for both) and when you're not there in person,
checking in with a phone call or an email or a text

making plans to meet at 7am to go for a walk
or 6:30pm to go out for a glass of wine (or a walk... sunset is about this time these days and that can be a very peaceful time)

being ok to just be, without talking,
or recognizing it's a time to talk (which means for me, a time to listen).
or maybe it's a time to tell stories - to remind them how he lived...and how much he was loved.

writing a note so they have mail to pickup. and read. being sure to mention one specific thing you knew or loved about him.

bringing a meal. yay for comfort food, and leftovers, and taking care of all the family and friends that aren't normally there...but must be fed. (but recognizing when too much food is simply too much - my girlfriend's husband died last March and she felt inundated with food...but welcomed twice-weekly deliveries of "salad lunches" for her and her sister-in-law - the perfect amount of food for two...ladies).

staying close and being flexible. grief is different for everyone. and for those who grieve, grief is different every day.

My heart goes out to Carole and Dale and to Bob's family and friends. Wishing them all God's peace.

5 comments:

  1. Thank you so much, Mary. All of these things on your list are excellent ideas/advice. I appreciate your support as we go through this.

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  2. Being there and having your friend know you're always near. People who are grieving stay within themselves and by checking in we can remind them of the world outside.

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  3. This is wonderful advice, Mary. I am one to call, and take food over. When my friend was sick I used to take her and her husband dinners. After she died, he declined dinners but we had him over for coffee as much as possible. And I call every so often.

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  4. A very beautiful list, Mary.

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  5. Being there and listening are the best.

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Thanks for the feedback!